May 15th, 2021 was one of the most special and memorable days of my life. I married
my best friend, the man of my dreams, A.C. Ivory; and together, we became husbands and committed our love and devotion to each other near beautiful Zions National Park in southern Utah with a small gathering of family and friends. I cannot describe the joy that filled my heart as I looked at him, offered my vows, and committed my love to him for life.
Many of you know my story. This was a day I never expected would be possible, and for most of my life, I secretly yearned for a husband but battled with the conflict believing that was an "unrighteous" desire.
When I was about 17 years old, a junior in high school, I began to feel very lonely despite having a strong group of friends and being very involved in music, the arts, and genealogy. I realize now I was just yearning for romantic love and affection, but at the time I was not in a state where I could understand that—let alone do anything to pursue that. Instead, I just thought I must not have found a real "best friend." So, to cope with these feelings, I created an imaginary friend. I called him Brant.
I spent a lot of time imagining what life would be like with a friend (specifically a boy) who I could completely "let go" and be myself around. I would drive and imagine Brant sitting in the passenger seat of my car singing along to Celine Dion and Savage Garden with me. I imagined he had an interest in genealogy like me, that he loved music and artsy things. We could have deep spiritual conversations, and laugh together over silly, stupid things.
During that time of my life, I would listen to romantic love songs and try desperately to think of my closest girl friends in an effort to feel some sort of attraction to them. But every time, I would just see Brant. This was a conflicting thing because, on one hand, it felt right in the deepest part of me, but then my defensive ego would quickly jump in and disrupt the thoughts because I was so terrified of being gay and hated that part of me.
I kept Brant around in my head until after I finished high school and then, I kind of forgot about him. However, a couple of months into my relationship with A.C., it hit me hard one day when I realized he was the Brant I created in my mind back in high school. And in practically every detail, too! Despite the fact it took nearly 20 years, our inner souls attracted us to one another, and today I could not live in a deeper state of love, joy, and peace, now being united with my other half.
I understand so much more clearly now how loving the way our souls are designed to love is critical to unlocking the deeper gifts and powers that lie within each of us. Yes, we currently live in a world where we have to use labels to try and convey who, and how, we love; but at the end of the day, the only label there really is, is LOVE. I believe the Universe seeks to express love through us, and each person has a unique way in which they are meant to manifest that love.
Falling in love with my husband (I can't tell you how exhilarating it is to say that!) has been the most beautiful journey of my life thus far, and the best thing is that I have just begun to fall for him! Now that we have each other, the love we share and create with each other will give us the opportunities we need to more fully develop our gifts and talents to share with others.
